"But What About Him/Her?"

I can't speak for you of course, but the famous line in my childhood was: "But mom, what about him/her?" I used it quite often too! I hated getting into trouble. We never want to take the blame for anything do we? It seems that many of us have this inert desire to always shift the blame onto someone else. It's almost like we're saying "no ... no ... redirect that spotlight on to him or her, not me. I don't want to be in the hot seat!" LOL

Yes, I remember this all to well. To be completely honest ... even to this day I don't like to take the blame for things. But maturity has taught me to face up to it now in my later years. When Bret and I first got married everything was his fault. If the light bulb went out ... it was his fault because he should have changed it sooner. If the car got a flat tire ... it was his fault because he should of had the tires changed before they got so bad. The list goes on and on!

I still blame him for a few things, (chuckling) ... but not near the bulk of what it used to be. See, with age, comes maturity and wisdom. Now, I figure out a way to set him up in order to blame him! Just kidding. He's a great guy! He brings much happiness and joy to my life ... most of the time. :) There are days though when I want to say: "why don't you go golfing for the entire day", when I really need some "me" time. Most of the time we have lots of fun together though!

Blame is a peculiar thing. What it boils down to is a transfer of responsibility. Believe it or not, it can also be a form of criticism and condemnation as well. When we shift blame on to someone else we are making them look bad in order to protect our own pride. Yep, there's that word again, "pride". It's the cause of humanity's fall, it's the reason for Satan being evicted from Heaven and it's the main framework that's encased in why many people don't speak to one another.

It seems we always want to be right. See, when we walk in the flesh, instead of the spirit, our pride prohibits us from being humble or extending grace to another person. Now, before anyone gets upset ... I'm also not saying that we should be doormats either. If people continue to hurt us and wrongly blame us for things all the time, then we must distance ourselves from them. Yet, still love them and pray for them, just as Christ loved us and gave His Son for us, even when we were still sinners and lived in complete darkness.

Now, let's be honest ... sometimes that easier said than done. We all struggle with our flesh. I don't believe any of us are exempt from that? Sorry. But the truth of the matter is that when we live by the spirit, we will learn to walk by the spirit more and more. The spirit must be strengthened and the flesh must be weakened. How do we do that? Here's a few thoughts. First of all, we get ourselves before the Lord and spend some one on one time with Him and share our hurts, our struggles, our feelings and our apprehensions and fears with Him.

Secondly, we let go. Yep, we let go! Stop holding on to things from the past. Refuse to allow that baggage that weighs you down to continue being attached to you like a ball and chain. Let go and let God. There's nothing we can do to change anyone, only God can change their hearts, their attitudes and their mindsets, not us. Here's the deal, many people are so tormented by their own pain, frustration and disappointments in life, that many times they can't see how they hurt others. Trust me, there are some very self-absorbed people in the world ... AND SADLY also in the Body of Christ.

Thirdly, we remove ourselves from the turbulence. I don't know about you ... but I love peace, I hate strife, I hate arguing, and I hate being put on the spot. The turbulence I'm speaking of is the atmosphere surrounding people who are miserable. That old saying "misery loves company" ... it's true! Misery is a "great mental or emotional stress or extreme unhappiness", according to Webster. Many times it can lead to torment and desolation, if not dealt with.

So, there you have it ... three suggestions. Listen, I have my days too, I'm not trying to say I'm above ever shifting blame on to anyone. Truly it boils down to our pride. And until that's dealt with and conquered ... we will always struggle with it in our flesh. Live by the spirit, strengthen the spirit, allow God's manifest glory to come in to your circumstances and bring freedom!

Until next time,
Tracy :)